My brain is bursting, my thoughts are consumed, and I understand no more than I did before, because I am consumed by the cosmos, by the principle of life... Is there a purpose, well, if there is we certainly don't know it, neither will we ever know it, personally I find that believing there is no purpose and being cynical suits be best. I accept I am nothing, everything I do will be nothing, and when I am gone, I will still be nothing, and am fine with that thought. I enjoy thinking about the sheer vastness, and incomprehensibility of the complexity, the infinite probability. It fascinates me, there is no end but you can begin anywhere. You can study your whole life, yet you will still know nothing, yet, there are people who know the answer.... GOD.... supposedly, if we could comprehend a god, true to what he is meant to be, we ask WHY before we know what, we have no clue on the universe, we do not need to even consider why. The order of discovery, is what then why, people realised we stuck to the floor, we asked why, GRAVITY, people realised we needed to breathe to live, why, we needed to get oxygen and release CO2, I find it comic that people claim to know why, when nobody knows the what, I find it a joke that people think we could understand why, when we cannot understand what. A God so awesome and infinite, does not need a lower race, he knows all already. What could he possibly want or create us for, he could have made us amazing, and still have not risked anything, but he hasn't, he is infinite we are close to nothing, in fact so close to nothing that compared to infinity we are nothing, we live for ourselves, not for our God.

  All of this,  yet in all the main holy books, I see, no mention of suicide bombings, honour killings or executions being the way to treat gods creations, I sadly see that the manipulation involved in current faiths spoils the beauty that is their principles. Yes fighting is a natural occurrence, and killing is too, both occur in nature, but are not out of what someone thinks, but out of survival. All of the shit that happens, all for no reason, all our of the human greed, the human desiring and/or abusing power, all about manipulation from golden promises of an afterlife, of a god, of something reassuring, something good outside of our control, that cannot go wrong.

  Personally, I live my life for me, I want to have a good job, loving family, good friends, my own family, a nice wife, etc., they are significant to me, nothing will go exactly as planned, I cannot comprehend the possibilities, I cannot get it right all the time, and I am just not good enough to have my exact wants, but I can try damn hard to get it, and to be appreciative, kind and loving to keep it, whatever happens. I do not want to follow others promises, just keep my own promises, and have a happy life, and try help those close to have a happy life too, it is too much to ask, as everything is a compromise, but if I ask too much and have the possibility to get too little, hopefully the compromise will come out in my favour. And when I do die, I will not be scared of death, and do not want people to be sad at my passing, as far as I am concerned, when I die, there will be nothing, I will have no consciousness of any kind, I have no soul. If I have suffered greatly, I will suffer no more, if I have had a happy and fulfilling life, atleast I have had the chance to make those close happy too, and they can then pass that happiness on to those close to them. I am selfish and greedy,although I try not to be so I am not claiming to be as selfless as this seems, I will hurt people and be hurt along the way, but I do not enjoy being horrible and so should be able to limit it.

  Anyway that was my thoughts at this moment in time,
      Tom